I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
