so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
