So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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