You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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