Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
