i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
