So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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