Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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