also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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