Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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