I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
