when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
