The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
