A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
