your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
