Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Randomize
