I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas