i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?