im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.