They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.