He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.