I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
