Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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