addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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