So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
