it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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