No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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