I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
