just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
