I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
