Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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