Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
