it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
