he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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