I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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