I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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