i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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