I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
