i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
