Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
