I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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