I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
