I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I would fuck him just for his dog
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
