What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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