so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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