Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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