Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize