: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
