we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They took my balls.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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