Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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