I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
