I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
