Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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