I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
