i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
