(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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