Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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