So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
