if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
