I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
