Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you had me at cake vodka
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My ass is underappreciated
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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