it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
