My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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