Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
