shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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