You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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