i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
