What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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