walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
