thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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