Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
