fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
