OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
