I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
