Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize